it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, beer. Big fan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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