You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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