I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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