Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
