oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
