When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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