Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
