I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
