If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
