I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
North Korea, Best Korea!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I looked at my own cervix.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
