Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
