How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
