He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
