: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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