she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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