Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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