1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
