I wish my penis had an off switch
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
