dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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