Well douche your snatch and let's go!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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