we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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