I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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