My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's never too late to be topless.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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