Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
