this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
