he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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