my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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