You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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