doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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