it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
