Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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