So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
