I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize