dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
