Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
