I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is wine microwaveable?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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