Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
