SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
