i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
