I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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