i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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