Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
