Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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