I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
