I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
