I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
