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Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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