i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
