i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
