do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
