what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
