Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
