I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
