Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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