There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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