Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
