I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
