new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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