I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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