Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
