Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So many bounce houses so little time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
