Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
