she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
