I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize