It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
