so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
