Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
