Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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