I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
