i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We left the knife in your bed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
