The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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